Moany Mandy and CrossFit Fred

Here we go again

I’m not against exercise, really, I'm not. I do my bit. And I get on with my life just fine. I don’t have a special diet. I eat what I want when I want, and I try not to eat too much crap. Especially when Miss Perfect is around to tell me how many calories are in the scone I am about to scuff.

Recently she was trying to get me to join her on her ridiculous journey towards failure. Every year it’s the same. She comes up with all these New Year's resolutions and tries to get me to join her. Her latest is CrossFit. How do you know when a person is into CrossFit? Trust me you will know in the first 10 seconds of meeting them, they will tell you.

Super fit CrossFit Fred

She has met a fella in work, and he took her to his CrossFit class. We went for a coffee the other day, well I had an Americano, she had a decaf and I heard all about super fit, CrossFit Fred. Fred eats only fresh food, Fred has a cool fitness app on his phone and logs his calorie, protein and carbohydrate intake. Fred sometimes does a CrossFit class twice in one day. It's important to have enough protein when you're doing CrossFit training, she is telling me as I look out the window and think about my bottle of red and waiting for Friday to come. She is still rambling on about Fred and how he can walk across the floor on his hands and stay perfectly balanced.

Overnight Oats

I hear how magnesium is great for tired muscles and how Fred uses magnesium flakes in his bath to ease his poor tired muscles. I wonder just what Fred’s muscles look like and at once see a Daniel Craig look alike in my head. I hear how Fred makes a breakfast bowl of overnight oats every night and puts cacao powder in there to make it taste all chocolatey. He scourges it every morning after his first CrossFit workout of the day. Sometimes he does two classes, but he only does two sessions on a Thursday. I hear how Fred likes Nuzest protein powder the best. It’s the cleanest and tastiest protein he has ever used. It is plant based and full of natural ingredients. He puts it in his shake that he has on the way to his morning workout. She tells me she is going to try the overnight oats tonight and offers me the recipe. I smile and think of the box of Coco Pops in the cupboard and wonder if they are more chocolatey than Fred’s overnight oats.


It’s a few weeks later now and Miss Perfect has relapsed to a non decaf Americano. I see a pattern here. Fred hasn’t been mentioned yet and I wonder if the CrossFit sessions have ceased. But I look at her and she does look good. She has a glow about her. So maybe some of this year's resolutions are sticking. And I wonder if Fred would like the way I put extra cacao powder on my Coco Pops to make them more chocolatey.


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